She’s so weird…

I have an obsession with dental hygiene. I brush and rinse with listerine every morning, and brush, floss, and use a fluoride rinse every night.

I am fascinated by reality TV.

I don’t do saliva…like ever at all. Baby drool is not cute. It’s freaking disgusting. I have been known to vomit from the sight of drool.

I have had 9 surgeries, most of them abdominal.

I am missing 2 organs, my uterus and my gall bladder. Good thing they aren’t life saving, because my organ donor possibilities would be pretty pathetic.

Because of the above 2 statements, I am pretty open and sarcastic about the whole female reproductive system.

I hate math but have an obsession with preparing the family budget.

I would seriously consider living on a farm, just so we could own cows. Seriously, how cool would it be to own a cow?

I wear a yellow ribbon around my wrist every time my husband is deployed or TDY.

I shave my arms 4 times a year…literally with the changing seasons. I’m afraid to do it more often, because I’ve heard they grow back super dark if you do. I just can’t take that risk.

I don’t believe that bandanas can or will ever go out of style.

I bite my cheeks when I’m worried, nervous, or thinking intensely.

I get eczema on my hands when I come into contact with certain things I’m allergic to, like tomatoes, grass, and certain lotions or soaps. I swear by betamethasone for this! If you have this problem, ask your doctor for the cream. It’s magical!

I cut my own hair. Why pay someone to do something I can do myself?

I’d totally try out for American Idol if the judges could just set up outside of my shower. I’m the best singer of all time in there!

I can’t stand cats. All they do it put their stinkin’ butts in your face and then treat you like you’re not even worthy to be breathing the same air as them. I’d be okay if I heard they were extinct…probably wouldn’t even make a pity sad face.

I like to recreate the flowers my husband gives me by buying an exact replica in a silk arrangement.

I like to put on classical music at dinner time and dim the lights. It makes me feel like I’m at a fancy restaurant.

I am all about impulsively making recipes from tv even if I have NONE of the ingredients. I know how to improvise. (you may worry about food poisoning but hey, beggers can’t be choosers. You’re eating in my kitchen.) (thank you, Meagan G.)

I have a blood clot in my brain called an angioma. The doctor says stress is bad for me, so I make humor out of situations that most people would be offended by…like funerals or failing a really important test. Ex: Maybe if Norm had studied harder and passed his blood test, he wouldn’t have had that heart attack, and we wouldn’t be singing Amazing Grace, lead by the bag pipes and followed by a rendition of Swing Low Sweet Chariot sung by an acapella quartet…eh…er trio? …since Norm would’ve been the Tenor. It just doesn’t sound right without a tenor. Dang it, Norm.*

*Norm doesn’t really exhist. I only made that story up to give you an example of angioma humor.

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